Sunday, 8 March 2015

problem solution draft 1

Charmaine Pang

Social media has become a widely used platform for communication among teenagers. The proliferation of social media sites makes it more convenient for teenagers to share personal information and communicate with their peers. The exposure to social media sites have resulted in an increase in cyber bullying cases among youths in Singapore. As such, educators and the relevant authorities should help to alleviate the situation by educating youths on the appropriate behavior on social media.

The ease of access to technology may be a reason for the prevalence of cyber bullying among teens, the almost immediate access to social media through their smartphones and computers make cyber bullying more attractive to them. Despite being a small country, Singapore has the second-highest rate of cyber bullying among children and youth between the age of 8 and 17 in Asia. (Family and Life, 2014) Based on a survey of 3,000 secondary school students and 1,900 primary pupils, one in five primary school children and one in three secondary school children reportedly said that that they have been victims of cyber bullying, and one in four secondary school students admitted to cyber bullying their peers. (Tai, 2014) Evidently, cyber bullying is prevalent among the youths in Singapore and ‘this is a cause of concern as victims of cyber bullying may suffer from consequences that may be potentially more serious than face to face bullying as the bullying can be relentless over 24 hours and there is a wider audience to this form of bullying.’ (Tai, 2014) 

Furthermore, the cloak of anonymity that the Internet and social media sites provide may result in an increase in cyber bullies because they feel bolder and more powerful. (Baig, 2014) By leveraging on the anonymity and accessibility of technology, cyber bullying can be more persistent and continues 24/7, even in the safety of one's home. (Yang, 2014) Cyber bullies would typically post hurtful remarks and embarrassing images concerning their victim to torment and intimidate them. (Baig, 2014) Because the potential audience is much wider, the emotional trauma suffered can be more intense than face-to-face bullying. (Tai, 2014) This is seen in the case of a primary 3 girl who was repeatedly called ‘ugly’ and ‘irritating’ by her peers and these comments eventually made their way onto online blogs. She endured this for more than six months while wishing she could die. (Gwee, 2008) Therefore, with social networking sites, taunting can go viral, and the humiliation of victims can be immediate. While freedom of speech is important, it should not harm others or infringe on their rights to safety and dignity. (Phneah, 2013)

With the rise of cyber bullying cases, the Ministry of Education (MOE) has been increasing its efforts since 2007, to encourage schools to teach cyber wellness and incorporate such lessons into the curriculum. (Yang, 2014) In 2014, MOE has set aside curriculum time for topics such as Internet etiquette. The cyber wellness module comes under the Citizenship and Character Education framework and is incorporated into the curriculum for subjects such as civics and moral education, English and mother tongue languages. (Yang, 2014) Through the cyber wellness module, students are taught ways to protect themselves and empower them to take responsibility for their cyber well-being in cyberspace. (MOE, 2014) It is a step in the right direction, as students spend a large amount of time in school and it is where they learn most of their moral values. Through education, students are made aware of the consequences of cyber bullying and thus take responsibility for their online behaviour and stand up for the victims to prevent further acts of cyber bullying. 

Another effort that has been put in place would be the efforts of non-profit social organizations. These organizations can create talks and exhibitions to educate the youths. One such project that is already is in place is ' Crush' by Touch Cyber wellness. (n.d.) 'Crush' cleverly uses social media as a tool to engage students and educate them about Internet safety, through the creation of an application for phones. In this application, students can watch videos on Internet etiquette and safety. This initiative also engages parents through workshops that educate parents on the dangers of the Internet and how to use social media sites safely. (Chow, 2012) The two-pronged approach is highly successful as it has reached out to almost 300 teenagers since it started. What makes this a highly successful solution is the inclusion of parents, by educating parents on Internet safety, this makes them more aware of their teenager's behaviour on the Internet, thus, they are able to tell if their child is being bullied online or taking part in cyber bullying behaviour. Another avenue that could make this even more successful would be the expansion of 'PlanetCrush' cyber wellness centres from two schools to more. As of 2012, there are only two cyber wellness centres. (Chow, 2012) By increasing the number of cyber wellness centres, social organisation can reach out to a larger crowd, and tackle the problem at a faster rate. With schools, parents and social organisations working hand in hand, it would be easier to alleviate the problem of cyber bullying among teens. 

In conclusion, social media has helped to bring the world together through its inter-connectedness, yet it has resulted in a host of problems because youths today misuse it. Therefore, it can only be solved with the help parents, educators and the relevant organizations to guide youths and make social media platforms free from cyber bullies.  

(886 words)

Reference

2014 Syllabus Cyber Wellness Secondary. (2014, January 1). Retrieved March 8, 2015, from http://www.moe.gov.sg/education/syllabuses/character-citizenship-education/files/2014-cyber-wellness.pdf

Baig, N. (2014, August 15). 1 In 3 Students In Singapore Have Been Victims Of Cyberbullying. Retrieved February 28, 2015, from https://sg.news.yahoo.com/1-3-students-singapore-victims-070013753.html

Chow, J. (2012, July 30). Parents join kids to learn how to stay safe online. The Straits Times, p. B5.

Gwee, S. (2008, March 11). Caught in web of menace. The Straits Times.

PHNEAH, J. (2013, November 23). Holistic measures necessary in fight against cyberbullying. Today. Retrieved February 28, 2014, from http://www.citationmachine.net/apa/cite-a-newspaper/search?utf8=&q=http://www.todayonline.com/voices/holistic-measures-necessary-fight-against-cyberbullying&commit=Search Newspapers 

Singapore is the Second Highest Nation of Cyberbullies. (2014, March 1). Retrieved February 28, 2015, from http://familyandlife.sg/Nurture/2014/03/Singapore_Second_Highest_Nation_Cyberbullies

Tai, J. (2014, July 14). 1 in 4 Singaporean high school students admit to cyber bullying. Retrieved February 26, 2015, from http://www.asianewsnet.net/1-in-4-Singaporean-high-school-students-admit-to-c-62319.html

TOUCH Cyber Wellness. (n.d.). Retrieved March 7, 2015, from http://www.touch.org.sg/touch_cyber_wellness

Yang, C. (2014, September 20). Students in Singapore alerted to cyber bullying in revised cyber wellness curriculum. The Straits Times. Retrieved February 27, 2015, from http://www.straitstimes.com/news/singapore/education/story/students-singapore-alerted-cyber-bullying-revised-cyber-wellness-curr

3 comments:

  1. 1. What do you like the best about the ideas in this essay? Be specific. (precise vocabulary, cohesive/linked ideas, clear/easy to follow discussion, convincing, effective reasoning/argument, well-developed ideas, well-supported topic sentences, understandable transitions, etc.)
    - your discussion is easy and clear to follow and I liked how you backed up your claims with actual data.

    2. Is there a clear, narrowly-focused problem presented in the essay? Is it contextualized in the intro? Is it expressed well in the thesis?
    - Your problem is clearly defined and presented in the essay. But, I'm not quite sure about the link you made with regards to how the ease of access led to an increase in cyber bullying cases? Are you saying that ease of access caused cyber bullying to spike?

    3. How well is the first solution described? How effectively is that solution evaluated?
    - the solution is well described. However, it seems to lack the part on how the solution can help to curb this problem of cyber bullying in schools, more elaborations can be made with regards to this aspect.
    - Also, I think you missed out on your evaluation on how effective/ineffective this solution can be.

    4. How well is the second solution described? Is it effectively connected to a positive outcome? -

    5. Are there any ideas in the essay that need further development? Which parts of the essay require further elaboration?
    - I think you can dedicate more words to elaborating on the solutions and its impact. You can cut down on your description on the problem since you have two long paragraphs on it and maybe synthesizing it could be more succinct and clear.

    6. Does the writer effectively use outside source material to illustrate the problem and/or the solutions?
    - Yes, ample sources used to back up your claims and solutions.

    7. What is your impression of the flow of the content?
    - The transition from the description of the problem to the solution is quite misleading because 'furthermore' seems to suggest that you are elaborating more on the problem itself when you are trying to elaborate on the solutions already.

    8. Are there any ideas in the essay that are not clear or that you find confusing? Underscore/ highlight these. -

    9. Are the citations used in this essay appropriate? Are the reporting verbs effectively used? Does the reference list adhere to the APA guidelines? -

    10. Can you give a couple specific suggestions for how the writer could most improve this essay?
    -

    ReplyDelete
  2. 1. What do you like the best about the ideas in this essay? Be specific. (precise vocabulary, cohesive/linked ideas, clear/easy to follow discussion, convincing, effective reasoning/argument, well-developed ideas, well-supported topic sentences, understandable transitions, etc.)
    - your discussion is easy and clear to follow and I liked how you backed up your claims with actual data.

    2. Is there a clear, narrowly-focused problem presented in the essay? Is it contextualized in the intro? Is it expressed well in the thesis?
    - Your problem is clearly defined and presented in the essay.

    3. How well is the first solution described? How effectively is that solution evaluated?
    - the solution is well described.
    - It is evaluated nicely and shows clearly the effectiveness/ineffectiveness of the solution through its impacts.

    4. How well is the second solution described? Is it effectively connected to a positive outcome?
    - well described, I liked how you are very detailed.
    - yes.

    5. Are there any ideas in the essay that need further development? Which parts of the essay require further elaboration?
    - Perhaps you can elaborate more on the impact of your second solution since efforts of non-profit social organizations are quite broad and you mentioned certain different ways the efforts of these organizations can help to alleviate the problem of cyber bullying.


    6. Does the writer effectively use outside source material to illustrate the problem and/or the solutions?
    - Yes, ample sources used to back up your claims and solutions.

    7. What is your impression of the flow of the content?
    - The transition and flow of the content is good. However, the flow of content for the paragraph on the second solution is a little messy since you are speaking of various initiatives and evaluating it right away. Maybe you can think of another way to better organize it?

    8. Are there any ideas in the essay that are not clear or that you find confusing? Underscore/ highlight these.
    -

    9. Are the citations used in this essay appropriate? Are the reporting verbs effectively used? Does the reference list adhere to the APA guidelines?
    - you don't have to include the date of retrieval in your list of references.
    - you don't have much reporting verbs since you always put your citations after you have ended your sentences. Perhaps you can attempt some instances of using reporting verbs instead of putting the citations after you have ended your sentences?

    10. Can you give a couple specific suggestions for how the writer could most improve this essay?
    - try to elaborate more on the evaluation, cut down on the paragraph that illustrates the problem since it is quite wordy and can be more succint.

    ReplyDelete



  3. 1. What do you like the best about the ideas in this essay? Be specific.
    - easy to follow. Specific.

    2. Is there a clear, narrowly-focused problem presented in the essay? Is it contextualized in the intro? Is it expressed well in the thesis?

    - Clear, narrow focused problem presented in the introduction (cyber bullying). Thesis, educators and relevant authorities (who? Parents? Teachers? Friends?, schools?). Might be better to develop key terms in my opinion.

    3. How well is the first solution described? How effectively is that solution evaluated?
    - Defined well but lacking evaluation. Has this approach been successful? You might wanna mention about the success/failure of this initiative.

    4. How well is the second solution described? Is it effectively connected to a positive outcome?
    - Better if you define planetcrush cause most readers who are not versed in the field of technology or social media will not understand such terms and initiatives. A short description will make it better. Evaluation for 2nd solution is properly done.

    5. Are there any ideas in the essay that need further development? Which parts of the essay require further elaboration?
    - Solution 1, evaluation. Maybe talk about how receptive students are and the effectiveness of the initiative.

    6. Does the writer effectively use outside source material to illustrate the problem and/or the solutions?
    Yes. Many outside sources quoted.

    7. What is your impression of the flow of the content?
    - Good flow, easy to follow, intro, description well defined. Transition to solutions and evaluations clear and easy to follow.

    8. Are there any ideas in the essay that are not clear or that you find confusing? Underscore/ highlight these.
    -NA, clear and easy to read

    9. Are the citations used in this essay appropriate? Are the reporting verbs effectively used? Does the reference list adhere to the APA guidelines?
    - Use ReferenceS instead. Also for consistency, some fonts are of a different size.

    10. Can you give a couple specific suggestions for how the writer could most improve this essay?
    - In general, I think it will be better if you reduce the amount of work you quoted from other authors. (Example, paragraph 2 and 3, majority of your witten text are quoted from other authors) Will be better, if you can read and understand the main jist of all the articles and come up with your own words of the main ideas.

    ReplyDelete